roll the dice

In the hospital for the few days that I was back there,there's a patient suffering with HIV on the patient list of the team.Everyday.
They are mostly young men and women.The amount of brain pain goes on into helping them respond better to the treatment is unbelievable.There's nothing more satisfying than seeing somebody respond to the treatment,but of course you know they'll be back,with something else.That hurts.Of course, I feel.Its feels good to participate in care and therapy after everything you are qualified to do.

But you know they'll(the patients) be back and that knowledge is not the least bit helping.But tomorrow again another would come with a new diagnosis and you're concentarting so hard on trying to help that yesterday's man is wished well for,but not yearned about.I like that part about life.

Most people worry about the 'no cure' for AIDS. I would say were far better than we were.We'll get there. And only like 20% of diseases have definitive cures,the rest is unique to each human body and its demands. So I dont fret-about the 'permanent' cure shit.

On a lighter note, its funny how tongue tied I get around somebody I like.Or I go the other extreme I talk too much.
However I realise that whatever my flaws or Mr.X's , if it's meant to be, there'll form a plan and a way! YAY..

the namesdropamania

Growing up in India as we do, everybody's business is everyone's.I mean literally.I've had most starter conversations with people which included what did one's parents do or another sibling.More or less, the power of throwing weight via names around or you know establishing pedigree.But also,if your from the same city it's a nice way of establishing a connection.

Now most people wont agree,but I've kinda classified this when done in excess and I've invented the above named disease.
So hear goes-
1.The needy- this bunch opens its mouth spewing names.They'll start with family or friends and it'll go from 'my granddad was a famous judge' to 'my third cousin is Dia Mirza'a best friend'.

Contrary to what you might think,this is a harmless bunch.They only do this as a self-preservation technique.I probably think some of them are actually only trying to make you like them(which isn't a bad thing).

Solution: If you start feeling insecure around these people, take a deep breath and a reality check realise how fabulous you actually are. Still not ok- start dropping a few names yourself. OR Dont have any-LEAVE

2.the hypocrite's- these beady eyed creatures are in this for the most dangerous term of the 21st century 'Networking'. Now the hypocrite's bunch will add you on facebook asap.Go through who you know and see what mileage they can get out of you.

Solution:there is NONE.Find your own way to smell these rats out (if you find a good one,let me know)

3.the crets- now I might be arrested for using this derogatory term, but these are the simple slobs that you meet and most defintely by chance. they are simply drifting along life and even when the chance meeting happens,they are so lame about establishing a connection that you wonder this I even meet him or her?
God Forbid ,it's some cute guy and he's cret...then your heart's at 120/min as he's so oblivious to his own existence.What chance will you have!

4.the regulars-this is your average joe,with good balance of evrything and a healthy smile.

Now, I would like to claim most people I know are category 4...but I know plenty of cat. 1 and 2's. Why dont you classify you own and see how many you know have namesdropamania.

Life in:Portland

Do you ever get the feeling where you have been trying to store things in your memories as many as possible,especially when you are in a new place where you dont want to forget!
I've been wanting to write a little about places where i've been to as a way to help preserve my memory of places i've been to lived at:Portland is one such-I know i'll be back here,but still after all the running around,gettin lost here I feel like making a list of places 've been too,walked around got lost in:
Like
brunch at mother's,
green dragon for hanging out, North45 for fries(and Beer also I hear),Doug fir(for live music), Portland City grill(only for the view-nothing for the vegetarians,maybe drinks-but i've never had one there so wouldn't know),Departures-(again for the view,desserts are pretty interesting,but small individual portions and limited menu and of course people watching is interesting here).Bagdad's for their happy hour food menu-some fun movies(albeit old one's) play out there for pretty neat price!Papa Hayden's for breakfast and food.Nicholas for Lebanese food!Street food at all the little carts at intersection of Stark and 5th and Stark and 2nd.

Nights: Karaoke at galaxy-bad food again I dont know about alcohol,pioneer square for Sunday fiesta italiana or India day-there'always some country day.Living room theatres-where I really want to go ,but havent been able to do so.Fez-only for their Bollywood night otherwise no way,it's worse than rundown.

shopping: powell's for books,northwest 23rd district-sloan and free people,the rest of the place is full of quaint shops I would doubt the prices and quality at some,so maybe you are better off sticking to nordstrom and macy's(except for Sloan and Free people boutiques).Lot's of music shops-unique places which are not chains.

I heard Portland has some amazing rock climbing gyms and natural places to rock climb! would love to go,but for many reasons not able to:)But I have hiked some very small trails and I cant wait to do something more strenous.

Will add more places,this is strictly for purposes of storing this away for web posterity!Hee Haw!Now I dont have to worry about trying not to forget.

Living

You know when most people move a a new home, they try to find references to the home they grew up in .Atleast when they are in a little on the younger side.Probably once they are old enough to have cultivated 'Enough I cant live without these habits' that they actually settle down into something they like.
I grew up in a bustling 'full of life' neighbourhood which was the center of the city I grew up in and literally the center of the universe. I always new I would leave there was no doubt about that.
We as a family are essentially nomadic at heart and always we have left for greener pastures.So leaving was always a good sign.Similarly hear in Portland, when my sister moved to her new place in a clean ,decent size for one/two apartment.I believe we have a winner. I feel very much at home here. I dont even use public transport that much I can practically walk everywhere. It has some noises, not still and quiet.The irritating 5Am truck which is again reminiscent of the home I grew up in. We live on the 12th floor ,but I can see people bustling about-Which is way better than only seeing some empty roads as it so happens in the Suburbs:)
Atleast right now I like to realise I am forming my own tastes concretely.That is an acheivement by itself as I consider myself haphazard and inconsistent with regards to 'needs and wants'.Atleast I know about what I want in my living this much!

cant write

I cant write when I know that people I know are reading this and talking to me. You know who you are, so I hope that you use the comment's section to talk about a post. i'm not interested in discussing my blog over the phone. These are personal thoughts and I am seriously considering starting a new address as I dont want to discuss the blog over the phone.
It's like a personal diary and though I know that various people are reading this, I put it out as I dont mind people reading this.But to discuss this with me on the phone irritates me no end. I dont want to put a face to my reader.
I've somehow changed.
If you know me and you want to say something about anything i've written, please leave a comment. It doesnt have to be anon. But dont call and say 'yeah I read yours and your sister writes well etc.' .
That sucks.

Every day

I watch eyes watering up and inexplicable sadness when we know somebody is dying and diagnosed with a terminal illness.But i realised arent all our days numbered.Nobody is going to live forever, not that stage 4 cancer patient and not you.Then why arent we lightening up and valuing every single day of our lives the way it should be.

Life as we know it is always measured of our notches of success. Terms set by ourselves , our society which is probably a good thing. As more often than not, what is right and wrong is only learnt it's not inherent. But to work ourselves into depression for we arent able to do something we like or we are not able to be like someone you admire.It's not important.

Coming back, after many days yesterday I realised it doesnt matter who you are and what you do.You could just meet a random bunch of people and the pleasure of good company is always palpable in the air.Donot dissect it.It takes out the whole joy out of the situation.
I was just so tired after having innumerable run-ins with some nasty shit that I had allowed it to seep into my personality and not allow me to be optimistic and myself..But I had a pretty decent time yesterday with my sister's buddies.And I learnt to smile again without thinking.No thoughts.Just smiling.

Twilight

The greatest part about 'Falling in love' is the chase. The chase of uncertainity more likely.
The golden questions of reciprocation intially and after reciprocation the uncertainity of the future.
Like it or not, that's what we thrive about.The greatest love stories, the epic saga's are always about how afar the lovers are and how they either overcome or dont overcome their obstacles.

I do love the concept of' fallin ' in love.

The uncertainity that one blue moon I will bump into a stranger and we will look at each other searching in each other eyes something that we dont know.Especially in the movies dont we just love the fact to see how the stories goes, we know they are going to start seeing each other as the audience are already exposed to all the trailers before hand.Yet we await to see how it happens, how the magic unflod.

Didn't Sarah jessica Parker make a living by feeding us on bits and pieces of Big and her.

So now I worry, when I meet these guys my parents try to set me up with.How will the drama work.My immature foolish mind and heart which yearn to be swept off my feet how do they thrive on this story. Say I do like him, how will I detect chemistry -will there be a tinkle in the air or will he serenade me with his eyes and I will be absolutley bedazzled? I dont know or will it be boring utterly.Just coz we know if we like each other the chances of ending up together are pretty high as th families are all in the act from the beggining. Will that take all the pizzazz out?

I've met guys before through my parents, but living with them I almost have no control over my thoughts or actions as I willinigly chose without much ado to submit myself to their plans as I believe they are the best for me.
But today when I sit by myself in an unknown part of another home, I wonder what I will do?
Wish me luck.