I had to

Dear Blog, I had to write. My head was clogging up with innumerable thoughts.My life is a such a roller coaster, as stressed as I am i am loving it :). I learnt yesterday that friend S is getting married. Interesting how one woman's enterrising turns out to be a life time of happiness. It's a strange situation, my friend (or then she was) swept in and made out with the guy who had just asked me out on the basis of alcohol/lust/chemistry. But they have been together since and are getting married.Intersting how these things happen. Well considering I was head over heels with a guy who was my married friend's crush suddenly should I be judging them? perhaps still yes, because at least there was nothing going on between these two and no hope of a future. But ruin my friendship with the friend? not my cup of tea( I almost didnt care mind you like the above said couple who now are looking to a life together).We'll see.
Then how is work coming along. pretty good I must say. Amidst all the human contact and loving what i do who i work with. I think I did fall pretty deep in a tumultous way with someone. But perhaps because I hadnt had a reciprocated crush and pursuit in my life in so long that I was so tumulous and temptutous in my little see saw that I did not see it for what it was. Am i awkward with him at work? no, not at all. In fact i have been so bummed about not crossing paths with him for so lobg that the excitement of seeing him always was dramatic. But now, i see him everyday and it feels good. Like de-sensitization.Like now I can look him in the eye atleast for more than 30 seconds.My heart still skips a beat but i live.and it makes my day for him to hover around me with all that attention( a little tittle).
about the ex factor, well i guess it's best gone.All my break up have been passive aggresive and not clean. But this one absolutely no bond except for a social one, like how u make a new best friend. My experience has garnered so much that I know that when he posts on FB, he thinks I will see him( he doesnt know I have blocked the feed). In a matter of time, I will delete him .Cause i am not even curious about what happend. aboyt not sending him a long email back with the xplanation composed. my work schecdule brutal and now when he appears to be healing hawaii and all , i have my own perverted explanation about leaving him alone in peace.
So, what abt my other ones, i have decided I will wipe the slate clean.No perveted manipulative Leos trying to set me up with their useless friends. No over worked up selfish people with no agenda but their own.
I have always made time for superficilous, no important people, just for random time spending. But now as I work hard, i dont believe in it anymore. i dont want to or need to. I feel more secure now with regard to personality, but of course I have a long way to go work wise.
To study and do well, to pray for a smile on my loved ones faces to be able to find or search for someone who will make my heart skip a beat/sweep me off my feet/ yet carry me till my own bubble of happiness carries us thorugh that is my motto.
Now that you are back, I have no further intention of hashing oout these matters and let people judge me happen. Muah.