Home truths

A few things I learn and add here for future reference.
1.Never buy a tv stand with only shelves and no back cover .otherwise u will find all wires showing through.
2.never stop at the dollar store , it's full of trash.
3.always look for a place with two adjacent sink in the kitchen.
4.never believe anyone

So it's funny

So it's funny how I morph into this person who panics at the loss of privacy while I paradoxically blog about it in my webspace.while I select obviously who or what see's my facebook.when I look at pictures of my old friends,I realize how I value the pica y of things.like I think I would like a quiet wedding not because I have privacy issues,I just want to be spared the panic of wondering what if things are not done according to plan and sub par? What if I cannot affor the things that are beautiful.but then I realise it's about putting the people u love and the things u love around u that make. Difference.I pray for my friend to get through her ordeal I pray for everything else.I am losing my train of thought now.bye there.

Deja vu

Again it happens.Am I shy? Or do people think they can walk all over me.do u think tht somebodies misfortune in life, makes them entitled to do things tht bad friends wld do .this is the fourth time this is happening.I like a guy ,I am contemplating whether or not to do something and then 'friend x' walks in and blindly despite my subtle hints goes right after without turning around.my anger does not stem from wanting the guy.it stems from the fact tht why doesn't she as a friend turn around and ask o my friend has been since a whole year, is there a reason she does not like him or is she interested.can I try to be friends with him for her? No instead pays mo heed to my feelings continues to single mindedly go after him.now I have to play the role of a friend and supposed to act happy and excited while instead I am actually not feeling tht inside.it gets even worse when I speculate if the guy was interested in me and now since I am playing friend , he thinks I am not interested.I don't know what to do.should I talk to her.?should I tell her tht it wld have been nice for get to consider me?or is it wrong to expect her to see this from my point if view.

Pain

I now understand atleast to some extent the pain because of which peole want to give up this material world.Some of my objects if desire, be it a person or a thing give me so much of unbearable pain that I wonder when I would be free of such a yearning.of late, I turn to god to stop me from want something so much that it hurts.I revel in my ambitions and happiness.but I don't think anything will last.I am still grateful,don't get me wrong for everything I have.but to want something,to care for something or someone.only confounds my deep angst that I get from these.I think of god and look for peace.even that feels selfish,because in looking for peace.I feel I want for something myself.I still will look for this answer and continue to turn to this when I suffer from things that I seem to overpower my senses or me.

Lucky me

No idea why I never thought of this! The app so convenient! Yes, the brain was heating up.too many thoughts.it was twitter vs blogger.came back to the old faithful.a year full if heart breaks.was this the only thing tht mattered.so many other happy things were done.yet all I can think of is this.anyhow ! Now there will be more thoughts and posts.yippee doo...

I had to

Dear Blog, I had to write. My head was clogging up with innumerable thoughts.My life is a such a roller coaster, as stressed as I am i am loving it :). I learnt yesterday that friend S is getting married. Interesting how one woman's enterrising turns out to be a life time of happiness. It's a strange situation, my friend (or then she was) swept in and made out with the guy who had just asked me out on the basis of alcohol/lust/chemistry. But they have been together since and are getting married.Intersting how these things happen. Well considering I was head over heels with a guy who was my married friend's crush suddenly should I be judging them? perhaps still yes, because at least there was nothing going on between these two and no hope of a future. But ruin my friendship with the friend? not my cup of tea( I almost didnt care mind you like the above said couple who now are looking to a life together).We'll see.
Then how is work coming along. pretty good I must say. Amidst all the human contact and loving what i do who i work with. I think I did fall pretty deep in a tumultous way with someone. But perhaps because I hadnt had a reciprocated crush and pursuit in my life in so long that I was so tumulous and temptutous in my little see saw that I did not see it for what it was. Am i awkward with him at work? no, not at all. In fact i have been so bummed about not crossing paths with him for so lobg that the excitement of seeing him always was dramatic. But now, i see him everyday and it feels good. Like de-sensitization.Like now I can look him in the eye atleast for more than 30 seconds.My heart still skips a beat but i live.and it makes my day for him to hover around me with all that attention( a little tittle).
about the ex factor, well i guess it's best gone.All my break up have been passive aggresive and not clean. But this one absolutely no bond except for a social one, like how u make a new best friend. My experience has garnered so much that I know that when he posts on FB, he thinks I will see him( he doesnt know I have blocked the feed). In a matter of time, I will delete him .Cause i am not even curious about what happend. aboyt not sending him a long email back with the xplanation composed. my work schecdule brutal and now when he appears to be healing hawaii and all , i have my own perverted explanation about leaving him alone in peace.
So, what abt my other ones, i have decided I will wipe the slate clean.No perveted manipulative Leos trying to set me up with their useless friends. No over worked up selfish people with no agenda but their own.
I have always made time for superficilous, no important people, just for random time spending. But now as I work hard, i dont believe in it anymore. i dont want to or need to. I feel more secure now with regard to personality, but of course I have a long way to go work wise.
To study and do well, to pray for a smile on my loved ones faces to be able to find or search for someone who will make my heart skip a beat/sweep me off my feet/ yet carry me till my own bubble of happiness carries us thorugh that is my motto.
Now that you are back, I have no further intention of hashing oout these matters and let people judge me happen. Muah.

Birthday Wishes!

You know that my major things that I wished for I would rather not disclose for it relates to stuff that my Family and friends would need.Personal.But it was for me it would have been on the website.But however,god has been kind and I wont as of now ask for more,I will however as for loved ones.
But on the advise of dearest RC I have decided to make a wish list of the expensive but achievalble materialistic gains-Now I dont wish to add necessties ike apartment and acr to this list.But other stuff and I want to keep updating it too.
1.Christian Loubotin's pigalle 85 python pumps -$995

2.Christian Loubotin's '70 jute pumps-$795

3.Stella Mc Cartney Faux Lether clutch in blue-$695

4.Stella Mc Cartney-printed Satin ruffle dress-$4595

5.Stella Mc Cartney-oversize techincal tafetta bag-$785

6.Juicy Couture printed halter neck Jersey dress in red-$260

7.Diane von Furstenberg-Omaya cutout linen tunic-$260

8.DvF-Vern Cotton wrap dress-$375

9.Dvf-Cleopatra silf shift Kaftan-$325

10.Miu Miu-Silk and cashmere cascade-front vest $750

Now I not only have a list I know fashions will change so the wish list will change so I think I've picked a lot of clubwear and date-wear and maybe one hospital wear.Either way this stuff is also excellent to give and I think DvF is my brand now when it comes to clothes and right now my sensibilities are able to match hers.aha!