Melodrama

I now here continue on a new vein where I'm all excited about this new chapter i'm going to begin in my life.My illness-the keratitis has given me this opportunity to stabilize and reflect upon things that seemingly are annoying and flawed to people.

I've been watching a lot of grey's anatomy and as flawed the characters are the more we love them.We revel in the melodrama of the character in grey's.The central protagonist's dysfunctional childhood mess is endearing to us.But has anyone ever wondered that most kids with such dysfunctional childhood don't handle themselves well enough to survive in this competitive field.Meredith Grey not only becomes a doctor but goes on to become a surgeon in this fictional world in a top hospital.

Similarly I've noticed how much growing up all this constant melodrama has affected my reasoning and judgement.Where I have made my feelings and my point of view central to my thinking and reactions.
Like this morning I yelled at my parents blaming my sister and all of them for the H1b visa fiasco.Whereas in truth there were only two people to blame in this situation.Doppelganger and me.I forgot how much my parents are themselves affected and guilt ridden that circumstances led me to make so many wrong decisions.They blame themselves for the unfairness and probably my dad is only looking t assuage his form of remorse.
I should learn to listen and not retort cos probably in the larger scheme of things,my point of view is barely important.What's important is amidst everything that they are going through, to be less vocal about my opinion's because they probably know and understand where things were going on.If I consider myself wise at 25 they are more than double my age and the amount of wisdom they must have acquired over years different decisions is enormous.
New guy called,I was ecstatic and I answered the phone and we chatted a bit.I answered because I know how much I suck at this game playing.Though I know that is the key to being with a guy.I dunno know if I want to be with him if I have to play these games.
As of now I think he's fun,he's stable to my erratic but he doesn't seem to want to forge that kind of bond.Where you think of someone all the time.On the other hand,I am far away.Distance can make many assumptions,we've made it though almost 6 months of knowing each other.I like the fact he is not clingy,as much I would love him to be smitten.I'm going to be busy tomorrow during residency and I couldn't ask for someone better-someone who has his own life.
But again next month when we see each other finally after so many months,it's very important the sparkle exists and the desire to be should be strong.
I now know I've grown older for as much pain being together or not together I know I can handle it.
I know I hate taunting logical people,it's very difficult to tell them,you didn't call all week! cos there is no set rule in stone that he should call.But you know there is and he didn't call.I think you should have said something to that effect.I think there's nothing wrong in letting people know you have expectations.It does NOT make you clingy or annoying.If he shows no enthusiasm to receive you then also I think he should know,I have no idea how to 'pt him in his place' about this one.
I'll figure out a way.
Love,
Y